Saturday, September 13, 2008

Flashback Part II

I came to of joy, pubs, discs and ofcourse our bread n butter "IT"....yes, that's what i heard of bangalore. Everyone here seems to be in gr8 rush, city full of youth and energy. First few days i was mesmerized by the charm of this place "Silicon Valley Of India". After seein crowd of software engg. here, i realized that m just a part of million robots. Ppl who are leading there routine life same as a robot does.

Luckily i found my college juniors here, so for rest of my days in bangalore i stayed in their flate. I didn't find ny problem in mingeling with these guys and moreover hardely i use to get time to talk with them. Saturdays and sundays i use to spend most of my time in cyber cafe..chatting with her :)...that was the only thing which keeps me near to her. Daily we use to talk hrs on phone and chat. Everything was going fine..the way i wanted and expected. But sometimes i use to get lil bit skeptic about long distance relationship...i read loads of crap about it, that long term relationship doesn't stays forever n etc etc. I was having confidence n faith on her that she'll continue in the same way so i started ignoring all this bull****.

Wake up in the morning, wait for her good morning miss call, then rush to office. While coming from office, take hault in cyber for sumtime with her n then sleep. That became my daily routine..daily.That cyber cafe use to open till 10:30 n daily she use to end her chattin sayin "What yaar !!...y this cafe closes so we din't even talked for a while"...:)...After hearing this i use to feel very relaxed that 2day also the same bond n closeness exists...where it's written that long distsnce relationship doesn't works...c it's working fine in ma case..:). Sometime our chatting use to ends up with some kind of hot discussions...which makes her lil bit disturb b4 going to bed. Sometimes i use to pour my feelings on her...i couldn't stop myself...n that thing makes her disturb. Inspite of knowing her answer...inspite of knowing evrythin..then also sometimes i use to lostmy control. Then one fine day i took resolution that i won't chat with her in late night...just for her sake i took such big step. It was a very tough n big decision for me...then also i started controlling myself by reading novel....watchin TV...putting up my time n mind sumwhere else apart from chatting. She also got disturb for a while but then soon got use to it. Now we started chatting in saturdays and sundays only.

As i promised her b4 leaving that once in a month i'll regularly visit hyderabad. We use to meet in barista...the only one place in hyderabad where she feels comfortable :). She likes coffee very much...her eyes doesn't opens if cofffee is not there in morning n that also it should be there on bed. I still remember how we use to fight on counter for payin the bills n always i use to win ;)..still she does the same :). As promised while leaving hyderabad, I started visiting her once in a month. Oh god whatta bunch of sweet memories !! :)....Sitting next to her n keep on staring her eyes as m not gonna see them from tomorrow onwards. Those days she use to wear specs n rarely lenses (but now things got changed..rarely she wears specs)...The way she use to look at me n smile...only one word..AWESOME !....Time passed n one fine day she told me about his good friend "S" (i'll call him by S in ma blog)...She told me about him previously also but i took it light...neways who m i to ask her "what the heck he is doin in ur life" him m also just a friend for her. Lemme introduce u ppl with this guy S...he studied with her in school, then in college also....after finishin off his degree he flewed away to US for masters....In college days Mr. S proposed her many times.....but she kept on replyin him same old regular stuff, which she replyed me also..I dunno y girls do like that..first they'll b the only one to say that I LIKE YOU...n when guy modifies that sentence a bit to I LOVE YOU...evrythin changes drastically..U r my friend...i never thought in this parents won't agree...we r from very reserved family..blah blah. Coming back to the story again, so Mr. S got mad n told sum bull**** to her. Finally there so called good friendship got broken. They never talked with each other afterwards. So on that day she told me that Mr. S's sister is not well n he called her from US. He pleaded her to help her in preparing for college exams. She was waiting for that chance or wanted to show him "look still m ur friend"..whatever..but finally she told ok i'll help her. I dunno y the hell she use to tell me all this incidents...previously i use to think "well she has faith on me that's y"...whatever it was, but now it's all crap. So as planned by Mr. S evrythin went fine n at the end again they started chatting on yahoo n phone. The way she use to tell me about him i sensed easily that both are njoyin this reunion after so many days. I never liked calling engaged nos. but then also she use to chat with both of us parellely. I know that sounds crazy but i felt it very bad. So i stopped that limited chatting also....n as i expected she never asked me also again that "G what happen..y u r not cumin on yahoo nowdays"...i wanted to give her comfort in evry aspect whether it's physical or mental...while chatting i use to know that on the other side S is also there with there was no point in asking her again n again "y u r replyin so slow....y u r taking hault in between while chatting..etc"....i thought it's better to drift away from her so that she can njoy her space...N of my surprise she was happy with this the end that's what she wanted. It hurts a lot when u see urself drifting away from someone u love n that also when decision is urs :(...Rest in next entry till then bye n take care

See you again

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Flashback part I

Then one day her office got shifted to new place. Though i was surrounded by hundered ppl in my office but then also i was badly missing her presence. That feeling was so strong that i couldn't dare myself to go office for few days. The moment i use to enter in office i feel her smiling face evrywhere...those days were my worst nightmare. Then our communication hooked up on chatting or on phone...rarely we use to meet. She was very nervous on her first day in new office....what kind of ppl she has to face now....her best friends won't b there nearby her from nowonwards....all these things were making her feel very low. Then i came into picture n consoled her, I tried my best to support her n make her realize that sumtimes new beginings in life brings many new good things which u never expect :). From morning till evening i use to chat with her, to make her comfortable in new environment n not feel alone. I was happy now that m doin my best for her. I gave my 200% in evrythin to her. The way she use to share each n evrything happening in her life use to make feel awesome :). I use to feel as my only purpose of taking birth on this planet is getting fullfilled. Now after sharing millions of thought, words n emotions...she became evrything for daughter, my sister, my mother, my lover. I started seeing evry possible relation in her. I started taking care like a mother does for her kids, I started respecting her like nyone does for there parents, I use to share each n evry secret of mine with her as brother does for his sister and love her as noone does. Our relation became very strong with evry single day passed.

Then i got transferred to some other city. She cried a lot on the day when i was leaving, after seeing tears in her eyes for a moment i felt calling my manager n say him that "Go to hell..i won't leave this place". But then i realized that evry thing happens for a reason in ur life. As it is said that u know importance of things only when they are beyond ur reach n sumtimes distance brings two heart more near. With all this motivational crap in ma mind i moved from her city :( . But i was knowing that my deepest fear will come true soon....

See you again

Thursday, August 21, 2008


Two yrs back i did my engg. n entered into so called corporate world. Right now m working as an software professional in one among those thousand MNCs. After coming out from my home town for job i saw many new things and yet to see many more. It was like a cub stepping in wide jungle for the first time. I was not aware of many things....people's behaviour, how this world reacts towards u, how to survive in abstract conditions, how to stay far from ur beloved ones. In fact many of my past experiences forced me to start writing blog so that i can share my views with u people. Past incomplete love, my mistakes, my regrets, ppl around me, good and bad things around me.

It all started when i newly joined my company..initially they conducted sum kind of training for freshers. She use to sit next to me..angelic smile with touch of simplicity, got all ingredients for a perfect
Indian girl. Yes, it was love at first sight for me...i simply use to wonder daily that how can nyone b so perfect n pure as she was :)...days passed n slowly we started talking with each other. In coming months we became good friends...yeah, that's what she use to say..we are good friends . Days converted in weeks n weeks in months...we continued sharing our thoughts n views through chatting for hours. I still miss those hours which seems to b magical at that time. I never had any girlfriend before neither it was in my list of necessary things needed to live. But god was having some other plan. After long waiting n struggle from myself one fine day i propsed her. that was the first time i was proposing ny girl. Millions of thoughts were running in ma mind at that time, but then i gathered all my strenght n said those three beautiful words. She didn't replied on that day while chatting she gave me the ans...yeah u ppl guessed it right! was "NO"...For few days i was not there in my senses..evrythin on this planet was annoying me...i was veryy depressed. Then she came n whispered in my ears that world doesn't ends here :)..we can stay as best friends forever n took very long time for me to accept her as my friend. But as it is said evrything is fair in love n war...i thought "OK god gave me sum other way to stand beside her forever...n what difference it makes if she likes me as a friend, still i have chance to wait for the answer which i wanted to listen"

....WAIT...WAIT...whole one year passed. Many things happened in between....with evry passing day my love for her became more stronger..i did whatever i can do to make her smile again...if she use to shed one drop of tear, that day i use to stay awake for whole night. As a best friend she use to share evrythin with me, whether it's personal or official n i use to suggest her evry possible solutions. Yeah that's what u can expect from a true lover n i was just behaving in that way only. Sometimes it use to become very hard for me to mantain proper balance between friendship n my feelings towards her. Many times my inner feelings for her use to overcome friendship n i use to behave in very possesive manner. Those were the times when i use to struggle a lot with myself and lot many arguments use to happen between us.

I don't like the way she was having huge guys fan following. I don't like the way she use to tell me evry other day about sum tom dick harry proposing her. I don't like the count of males in her orkut profile exceeding females. I don't like her intimacy with other male best friends. And all those dislikes use to end with sum kind of argument.

I guess it's enough fo now :)...there are lot many things to write...will continue in next post..till then bye n take care :)

See you again

Finally the day came

From past many months i was thinking of starting my own where i can talk with myself....where i can see my thoughts live in the form of words....where i can set free my heart...where i can get peace of mind. Hundred times i created my account in various blogging sites n everytime something use to stop me doing that...i can't play with words well as other blogger does...i m not that fluent in English...i won't b able to continue blogging, but then i thought blogging is about all this? or there is sumthin else u can get out from blogging. Yes, u can get out ur all frustration, all ur anger, all ur thoughts..n many more things...which i m about to explore. Well, as they say there is no perfect time for ny new begining...u can start nything, at nytime, on ny here is my new begining...hope it continues like that only...

See u again,