This is it ???

Things happened in last few weeks:-

1) Visa got delayed

2) Admission got fucked up

3) Higher studies...screwed up

4) Ok and last one...M IN A DEEP SHIT NOW !

So what shall i do now....ok lets have a look where things went wrong

Would/Should:-

1) I would have started this whole process bit early...may be 1 month before and finally got some buffer time for completing visa formalities

2) I should have been proactive in taking major decisions and start implementing them.

3) Would have given priority to what my heart says without the interruption of fucking brain.

I am not worried about the financial loss or time....I m worried about my dream which I have lost forever. I know deep in my heart that I'll try once again in future but doubt whether I'll get that strength to rise again or not. I confess that I became bit hopeless and sadist. I am not able to concentrate on things happening in present. It's like waiting for nothing...bypassing my thoughts to a neutral zone, where I am finding myself bit comfortable. I don't want to think anymore about my career, future...etc from now onwards. I had enough of all this nonsense...you keep running for things and at last find yourself standing on the same place...BULLSHIT!.

God knows how many dreams gets shattered in this world daily...how many people dwell in depression everyday.... am just one single guy among them. That's not the way to screw up your present...things will never go the way we think. There will always be hidden reasons and phenomena which will affect the end result. You can't defend yourself...million probabilities, people around you affecting your decisions, the way system works...all these things are uncontrollable. We are mere microscopic creatures in front of them. Then why cry your heart out if you fail once or twice.

It's better if I keep myself mint and accept everything which comes out of ma way. Maybe in future again I'll try or show ma middle finger to these circumstances :)

Regards

G

Emptiness all over me !

Past six months was occupied with so many things...IELTS exam, college selections, Education loan, Visa formalities, construction work....etc. When I sum up all these activities I see myself leading to nowhere. It's like running on a treadmill...Six month before I was waiting for all these visa formalities to be done and now also m waiting for this stupid visa to arrive. What if it gets rejected...what if I am no more interested in pursuing my dream...am I getting hopeless or a fried chicken?...It seems that I still standing on the same point from where I started my journey..nothing seems to me making some sense. Sometimes I wonder what I am upto ?. Why things are not happening in my life?...Why it became so plan boring?...not even a simple routine I am following? Monday, Tuesday...every damn day is same for me...morning comes and then night falls...and again same bullshit. I guess I am getting overly concerned...this is how life moves on or maybe not ! Whatever is going around I can figure out one thing, that this is the worst phase I am facing. Things are not clear as they use to be, I am not able to visualize myself as I use to do before.

This fucking depression is getting over me....m not use to it. I hope everything turns out to be fine before I collapse.

G

Moved on...

Hmmm...It's been many days, I even forgot last time when i saw her or talked with her. This whole year was full of movements. I moved out of ma first job, she moved out from my life, I moved back in ma city. In between these movements i was so much puzzled that I forgot many things. Now if try to remember them, I don't find ny sense in it. But sometimes I feel that empty space right into my heart...i can feel it very clearly. Australia is exactly 5 1/2 hrs ahead of us and i can't stop myself calculating daily..."what time is it in australia?...what she might be doing right now?". One thing I am sure whereever she is and whatever she is doing...SHE IS HAPPY :). That's the only feeling which keeps me moving on. Today when I look back in time..I find so many memories flashing around with the speed of light. Memories of her, memories of my madness, memories of stubbornness, memories which I lost forever. Although I know deep in my heart that it's just a beginning and whatever happened with was a sort of wake up call for me. Still remember that that shot of Dev D in which he escapes death by inches and realizes that life is a very precious entity in this universe. We have to make full out of it, no matter in what situations we are going through.

Yesterday was yet another day for me..same morning came...lying on my bed and watching my parents doing the same daily activities and then my mobile rang out from nowhere.

XYZ: Is this gaurav sharma?

ME: Yeah !

XYZ: Gaurav I am your RM, I just called you to make it confirm that m accepting your resignation

ME: OK sir

XYZ: Best of luck for your future endeavors and by the way would you like to work with us in future?

ME: Yes of course , if I get opportunity and blah blah..... ( back of ma mind I was thinking "Y the hell I am sayin all this piece of shit")

XYZ: Bye

ME: Bye

And now I am officially out of ma first company....Saala ek dum neutral feel kar raha hun...bheja ek dum khali khali lag raha hain...No more project calls...no time'shits'...

As it is said "Jo bhi chutiyapa hota hain aur ek ache chutiyape ko initiate karta hain"...Letz c...bbye n take care

G

15 laws of life

Sayings of SWAMI VIVEKANAND ("Loudspeaker of Hinduism" ), India's foremost nation-builders

1. Love Is The Law Of Life: All love is expansion, all selfishness is contraction. Love is therefore the only law of life. He who loves lives, he who is selfish is dying. Therefore, love for love's sake, because it is law of life, just as you breathe to live.
2. It's Your Outlook That Matters: It is our own mental attitude, which makes the world what it is for us. Our thoughts make things beautiful, our thoughts make things ugly. The whole world is in our own minds. Learn to see things in the proper light.

3. Life is Beautiful: First, believe in this world - that there is meaning behind everything. Everything in the world is good, is holy and beautiful. If you see something evil, think that you do not understand it in the right light. Throw the burden on yourselves!

4. It's The Way You Feel: Feel like Christ and you will be a Christ; feel like Buddha and you will be a Buddha. It is feeling that is the life, the strength, the vitality, without which no amount of intellectual activity can reach God.

5. Set Yourself Free: The moment I have realised God sitting in the temple of every human body, the moment I stand in reverence before every human being and see God in him - that moment I am free from bondage, everything that binds vanishes, and I am free.

6. Don't Play The Blame Game: Condemn none: if you can stretch out a helping hand, do so. If you cannot, fold your hands, bless your brothers, and let them go their own way.

7. Help Others: If money helps a man to do good to others, it is of some value; but if not, it is simply a mass of evil, and the sooner it is got rid of, the better.

8. Uphold Your Ideals: Our duty is to encourage every one in his struggle to live up to his own highest idea, and strive at the same time to make the ideal as near as possible to the Truth.

9. Listen To Your Soul: You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul.

10. Be Yourself: The greatest religion is to be true to your own nature. Have faith in yourselves!


11. Nothing Is Impossible: Never think there is anything impossible for the soul. It is the greatest heresy to think so. If there is sin, this is the only sin - to say that you are weak, or others are weak.

12. You Have The Power: All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark.

13. Learn Everyday: The goal of mankind is knowledge... now this knowledge is inherent in man. No knowledge comes from outside: it is all inside. What we say a man 'knows', should, in strict psychological language, be what he 'discovers' or 'unveils'; what man 'learns' is really what he discovers by taking the cover off his own soul, which is a mine of infinite knowledge.

14. Be Truthful: Everything can be sacrificed for truth, but truth cannot be sacrificed for anything.

15. Think Different: All differences in this world are of degree, and not of kind, because oneness is the secret of everything.

Lover

These are words of Deepak Chopra, an Indian-American medical doctor and writer. He has written extensively on spirituality and diverse topics in mind-body medicine. He has also been influenced by the teachings of Vedanta and the Bhagavad Gita, and by the field of quantum physics. I found them very beautiful.


A lover knows only humility, he has no choice.
He steals into your alley at night, he has no choice.
He longs to kiss every lock of your hair, don't fret,
he has no choice.
In his frenzied love for you, he longs to break the chains of his imprisonment,
he has no choice.



A lover asked his beloved:
- Do you love yourself more than you love me?
Beloved replied: I have died to myself and I live for you.
I've disappeared from myself and my attributes,
I am present only for you.
I've forgotten all my learnings,
but from knowing you I've become a scholar.
I've lost all my strength, but from your power I am able.

I love myself...I love you.
I love you...I love myself.

I am your lover, come to my side,
I will open the gate to your love.
Come settle with me, let us be neighbours to the stars.
You have been hiding so long, endlessly drifting in the sea of my love.
Even so, you have always been connected to me.
Concealed, revealed, in the unknown, in the un-manifest.
I am life itself.

You have been a prisoner of a little pond,
I am the ocean and its turbulent flood.
Come merge with me,
leave this world of ignorance.
Be with me, I will open the gate to your love.

I desire you more than food or drink
My body my senses my mind hunger for your taste
I can sense your presence in my heart
although you belong to all the world
I wait with silent passïon for one gesture one glance
from you.

Fucking Aggression

From past many months m having this strange feeling of anger...dunno on whom m angry..is it on her, who made fool out of me or me who knowingly became fool. Here it goes..

Fuck this world
Fuck those parasites holding u down
Fuck each n every moment of disgrace u faced
Fuck all the pain u took
Fuck all the lies u got
Fuck that cunning smile
Fuck those baseless talks
Fuck this whole universe
Fuck those false promises
Fuck those fake attitude
Fuck these memories
Fuck that pic in ur album
Fuck that profile on ur orkut
Fuck this fucking word LOVE....

State of mind (A State of Trance)

Lyrics of a song which m listening rite now...ASOT always gives me a sense of relief n suddenly out of nowhere this song came in between...i googled the lyrics n found....they resemble my present State Of Mind so much that m luving it to the core :)

ATB feat. Roberta - Swept Away

I don’t know what you mean to me
I don’t even know what it takes
To begin to conceal this break
In a world I know so well

Get away for the next one
All alone in this single town
Ever dearly I’m still around
With my feet still on the ground

Everything that you mean to me
Is tangled up in a broken dream
And I keep hoping that this sorrow
Will get swept away

I’m alone in a symphony
I’m a ride in a shiny maze
And I keep hoping that this sorrow
Will get swept away

Yeah I keep hoping that the sorrow
Will get lost and swept away

Hope this will get swept away
Hope this will get lost and swept away
Hope this will get swept away
Hope this will get lost and swept away